The Walk Beside

Sternum Upgrade

Posted on July 31st, 2007 by Cam.
Categories: Let's talk.

Just a quick classic. Just got back from breakfast with Guennadi and I was telling him how Elizabeth researched sternum replacements yesterday. She said there is a process where they are using mesh and biological putty to restructure bones such as sternums. Always thinking outside the square, Guennadi suggested they should incorporate a USB connection. After I regained composure, my mind started to tick over what else could be incorporated into my upgrade. Your suggestions are appreciated and will be considered during reconstruction. The winning entries will receive limited edition snow-domes filled with urine samples taken during my treatment. Each will be numbered, signed by Franklin Mint and you will receive a Certificate of Authenticity. Make a great Mothers’ Day gift.

9 comments.

It is so unfair!

Posted on July 31st, 2007 by Cam.
Categories: Let's talk.

Here’s a few familiar cliches for you: ‘What goes around, comes around’; ‘You get what you deserve’; ‘You made your own bed, now you’ve got to lie in it’; ‘That’s good/bad Karma man’. You can probably think of a few others that fit the theme of ‘fairness’, or things being ‘fair’.

The word ‘unfair’ has come up a lot recently. Years ago I use to repeat the quote ‘The only fair thing in life is that life is unfair to everyone’. I would sometimes say this while I gave a lunchtime detention at school or made a student redo their messy work (I know, I know, Mr Compassion). I don’t quote this anymore because I don’t believe life is unfair to everyone. But it has been really unfair to me.

I have a wonderful wife, and there is no amount of space in webpage history where I could write enough to do her justice. Likewise, my family is incredible. I have been given a family that has stopped to surround me and support me with no boundaries. My Dad is helping me with my work, Mum is prepared to do her usual everything to make my life as rich as possible, and my sisters continue to show me love through all circumstances.

I have friends that have sacrificed a lot to look after me, prepared meals for me, looked after Elizabeth and supported her, helped us move house, offered to be by my side in minutes if I need them, and comforted me when things have got tough. People have poured out their generosity on me over and over again.

I have a warm and comfortable home, a comfortable bed, a fridge bursting with food, a warm jacket for the winter and air-conditioning for the summer. I eat more than my three meals a day and go out way more than I should.

I can honestly say that I am in the happiest time of my life, I have everything I need, I am surrounded by wonderful family and friends.

This is so unfair.

It is unfair because I have received all these things without justification. To get through some aspects of my life, I have been a real dickhead. I have lied, cheated, stolen, been dishonest and cruel. I have treated people badly in relationships, rudely dismissed people’s care for me, spoken badly about people, made fun of others’ misfortune and been disloyal. I have broken promises, thrown generosity back in people’s faces and avoided helping others in need.

I look back on all these things that I have done and I don’t present them to talk trash about myself to get a reaction. You may even go through this list and tick off the similarities in your own life or be able to say “I haven’t done that one”. Whatever the case, it is so unfair that I should be enjoying such a rich life when I have done stupid things in the past, and may do them in the future too. It is unfair that many of the people that I have treated poorly in the past are the ones that demonstrate their care for me now.

I am enjoying the richest and most rewarding time of my life now. My sense of things being unfair has nothing to do with whatever I may be up for while I am sick. It is to do with why I should be experiencing such a full life while others are not, yet they may have more integrity, honesty, compassion, humility and generosity than I ever had.

A warning for those that want to steer clear of the God stuff: There is God stuff coming up.

I have used these safe examples of friends and family to convey what I have experienced in my life. But the God thing has been been the clearest example for me regarding being unfair. In the last few years I have given God very little time. I haven’t prayed much, haven’t read much of the bible, I don’t like singing churchy songs, I feel nauseous in churchy bookstores, I haven’t gone out of my way to participate in anything that would convince the world that there is a God. It has been quite liberating.

The thing is, that I can’t help but feel that I have been completely bombarded with everything that is good. Go back up to the top of this entry and see how well I have been looked after. Things that were out of our control have been tended to in ways I can’t explain logically. The bottom line is, I feel so well looked after. Not the kind of ‘looked after’ by someone who generally cares about things, but the kind of ‘looked after’ where every detail has been taken care of. I am remembering things that happened a year ago that I thought were just freaky or confusing- inexplicable. Now, they are so significant to me in the light of me being in this situation.

I had a good chat with my cousin-in-law the other night about it, and as he was talking about it, the concept of ‘The God of Fine Motor Skills’ came into my head (’fine-motor skills’ often referring to the precise and stable use of fingers and hands). It seems that while I have been questioning the God I knew, thinking that I may be losing His favour, I have been more aware of being profoundly looked after. Not just ‘generally’ looked after, but every detail around every corner of every day that I have experienced in the last month has been accounted for and sorted. No bolts of lightning, no dissapointed deity, no liquid paper drawing closer to the Book of Life, no plagues of grasshoppers (although there is a cricket on crack somewhere in our house that doesn’t realise it is winter). In the middle of my indifference and scepticism, irreverence and attitude, I completely and profoundly feel treasured.

Now that’s unfair.

6 comments.