The Walk Beside

Life’s a beach.

Posted on January 1st, 2008 by Cam.
Categories: Let's talk.

“Get better” was one of my New Year’s Resolutions. It wasn’t at the top of the list, but it was there. I think if I was in total agony it would be a higher priority, but I am feeling quite normal at the moment. The new normal.

I was down the beach today trying to swim among the waves. The waves were a little bigger than they have been over the last week that we have been going down. In the space of a few days, the shoreline had been eroded away, as if the rough water had taken its toll on the usually smooth approach to the water.

I walked in. The ocean floor was unpredictably undulating. I could be walking on level sand one minute, then my foot would disappear into a dip, taking me out of my depth. No warning. No apologies.

When a wave came toward me there was a decision to be made. I could either jump up to make it over the crest, or dip below the wave to avoid the wash-over. I looked around and the other people in the water were all doing different things. Some were dipping, some were jumping. I saw them on the other side though, usually. There is no-one that tells you to dip or jump. You need to make a decision on the spot. Sometimes it is all too obvious what you need to do. When the wave is huge, you have to dip under. It is then that you are at the mercy of that particular wave.

I have been dumped before, on many occasions. The feeling that I have when I am being rolled is quite surreal. It is fear mixed with tranquility. I resign my body over to the wave. I know I can do little to change its mind about what it is going to do with me, how many times I tumble, how long it will be before it lets me breath. It is in this resignation that I feel quite peaceful. The fear comes in not knowing the outcome and how much it is going to hurt in the meantime.

Then I saw a father and his child among the waves. The father was holding his child by the hand and they were wading through the waves, not too deep for the child to handle, but dangerous without the father’s grip. The father would pull his child over the waves when he thought necessary, and sometimes let the water rush over the child to experience the nature of the wave.
Occasionally, I would head back to the shore and lay on my towel for a break. Libs and I just read, or reflected on the year. Once on the towel, I would let the sun dry me out and get me ready for the next swim.

This experience has been very similar to how our year has gone. A major difference I noticed was not having the sand in my crack after cancer treatment.

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