The Walk Beside

Eve of Destruction

Posted on April 14th, 2008 by Cam.
Categories: Let's talk.

It is closing in on D-Day. Had a good day really. We had nothing planned until we remembered last night I had tests to do this morning, so I started the day back at the hospital to whizz and bleed.

Then headed to the beach. Soothing. This is the last time I will be able to swim for a while as I will have a tube hanging out of my chest for the next month. It was a sensational day, 32 degrees and calm – just perfect. For those of you who love a good metaphor, here is a photo for you:

I am ready for this next phase, physically and mentally. I clipped 100kgs last week (220lbs in the old money), so I think I have done my part to beef up for this chemo. This may be the closest you get to a ‘before’ shot. I haven’t airbrushed it, promise.

Get a load of that! This body has been brought to you by Hungry Jacks/Burger King. (‘Well send it back!’ I hear you say?)

Anyway, The next part of the day was actually spent doing a quick shop in the city for a hat and beanie for when the hair falls out and the head gets a little chilly.

I have been overwhelmed by people’s generosity and support through this whole time, but today more than ever. We are very grateful for the emails, texts, comments on this blog and the gifts. It has been a massive lead up to this day that we head into tomorrow, and we are in great shape thanks to the people who have supported us in all the different ways possible.

We are at the hospital just before 9 tomorrow morning (Tuesday) for our appointment with the team at the Haematology Care Centre. I start off with a visit to recovery (which, if you ask me, is ironic) to have my central line put in. I had a doctor friend explain the procedure to me during the weekend which was significantly helpful.

I then need to suck ice for half an hour before the chemo is administered. There is only one dose of this cocktail and the reason it is injected straight into the heart is because it is the biggest pool of blood where the chemo can be dispersed rapidly. If it is injected straight into a vein in the arm for example, it will do significant damage to the vessel. It will also do damage to the entire digestive tract, where rapidly dividing mucus producing cells will be affected. It is for this reason that I need to suck the ice, causing a lower rate of blood flow to the mouth and therefor lessening the damage done to the mouth lining. Fantastic.

So I don’t at all feel nervous, and to be honest, I feel like I am just carting a fleshy mass around to drop off for a service, it is just that I have to hang around until the service is complete. I have heard a lot of talk about childbirth and various other medical procedures recently. I would much rather be going through my day tomorrow compared to what others have experienced.

For me, although nervousness not an issue, it is certainly a turning point, and one that we approach with both awe and fragility. It is like leaving a place that you have lived in for a very long time, knowing that you will not return for a very long time, if at all. And if you do return, you know it is not going to be the same as you remember it. This kind of turning point is worth approaching with some sense of reverence, as you would mark an occasion with much contemplation, reflection, excitement and sadness. That is where we sit tonight, well, that is where I sit. Libs is feeling the same but is vacuuming around me at the moment, after blitzing the rest of the house to make it as clean as possible before tomorrow. God, she’s good.

If this cup can pass from me, that would be great. Otherwise, bring it on.

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