Eve of Destruction

Posted on April 14th, 2008 by Cam.
Categories: Let's talk.

It is closing in on D-Day. Had a good day really. We had nothing planned until we remembered last night I had tests to do this morning, so I started the day back at the hospital to whizz and bleed.

Then headed to the beach. Soothing. This is the last time I will be able to swim for a while as I will have a tube hanging out of my chest for the next month. It was a sensational day, 32 degrees and calm – just perfect. For those of you who love a good metaphor, here is a photo for you:

waveover.jpg

I am ready for this next phase, physically and mentally. I clipped 100kgs last week (220lbs in the old money), so I think I have done my part to beef up for this chemo. This may be the closest you get to a ‘before’ shot. I haven’t airbrushed it, promise.

portlyframe.jpg

Get a load of that! This body has been brought to you by Hungry Jacks/Burger King. (‘Well send it back!’ I hear you say?)

Anyway, The next part of the day was actually spent doing a quick shop in the city for a hat and beanie for when the hair falls out and the head gets a little chilly.

I have been overwhelmed by people’s generosity and support through this whole time, but today more than ever. We are very grateful for the emails, texts, comments on this blog and the gifts. It has been a massive lead up to this day that we head into tomorrow, and we are in great shape thanks to the people who have supported us in all the different ways possible.

We are at the hospital just before 9 tomorrow morning (Tuesday) for our appointment with the team at the Haematology Care Centre. I start off with a visit to recovery (which, if you ask me, is ironic) to have my central line put in. I had a doctor friend explain the procedure to me during the weekend which was significantly helpful.

I then need to suck ice for half an hour before the chemo is administered. There is only one dose of this cocktail and the reason it is injected straight into the heart is because it is the biggest pool of blood where the chemo can be dispersed rapidly. If it is injected straight into a vein in the arm for example, it will do significant damage to the vessel. It will also do damage to the entire digestive tract, where rapidly dividing mucus producing cells will be affected. It is for this reason that I need to suck the ice, causing a lower rate of blood flow to the mouth and therefor lessening the damage done to the mouth lining. Fantastic.

So I don’t at all feel nervous, and to be honest, I feel like I am just carting a fleshy mass around to drop off for a service, it is just that I have to hang around until the service is complete. I have heard a lot of talk about childbirth and various other medical procedures recently. I would much rather be going through my day tomorrow compared to what others have experienced.

For me, although nervousness not an issue, it is certainly a turning point, and one that we approach with both awe and fragility. It is like leaving a place that you have lived in for a very long time, knowing that you will not return for a very long time, if at all. And if you do return, you know it is not going to be the same as you remember it. This kind of turning point is worth approaching with some sense of reverence, as you would mark an occasion with much contemplation, reflection, excitement and sadness. That is where we sit tonight, well, that is where I sit. Libs is feeling the same but is vacuuming around me at the moment, after blitzing the rest of the house to make it as clean as possible before tomorrow. God, she’s good.

If this cup can pass from me, that would be great. Otherwise, bring it on.

14 comments.

Iain

Comment on April 14th, 2008.

I’m reading it in my lunchbreak, actually, being 7 hours behind you, and am lost in admiration at the sight of that beach and ocean, never mind the physique of the fellow impersonating a stranded whale in the foreground. When I tell you that it was calm here too when I left home this morning but about 30 degrees cooler than with you, and with snow visible on the distant mountains to the north, you’ll perhaps understand my envy of your location.

Anne and I will be remembering you especially over the next few days / weeks and praying for the best possible outcome.

Toddy

Comment on April 14th, 2008.

It’s 8:50 WST, and I’m reading this thinking, ‘what? He says he’s been ‘wlorking’ and has hit 100kg and is preparing for baldness?’

HAH!! I’ve been there for years!! Hair is SERIOUSLY over-rated, and that kind of weight is sooo genteel… (I’ve been trying to get back DOWN to that weight for a while – nearly there!)

However – in the scheme of things, I must congratulate you. To put on weight (remember, muscle weighs more than fat!) when you’re feeling ill takes some doing, so well done. And you’re right – it’ll sustain you when times get tough over the next period of time.

I’ve still got that orange pick I stole from you 13 years ago (the one you rightfully nicked from Stevie-Ray-Pyle) and it’s next to my computer here…

The Catholics have prayer-beads… I’ve got an orange plectrum! Prayers and thoughts a-plenty headed your way.

The Fat American

Comment on April 14th, 2008.

Dude, you are HUGE!!! Kinda reminds me of…well…me:) You say it is 32 degrees and pleasant. 32 degrees for us rednex means that we have some icicles hanging in some very uncomfortable places.

Just know that there is a 2 year old that is praying for you every night. She would really love to meet you. Peace dopey!

the rowes

Comment on April 14th, 2008.

cam and ‘lizabeth… constantly in our thoughts… admiring your guts, both physical and emotional! still can’t believe what a journey this has been for you both and your precious family. so excited that tomorrow is here but so pleading that grace will flow as you travel these next days and weeks. much lovin manda and iain

Cuz Adam

Comment on April 14th, 2008.

Well, this explains all the sympathy weight i’ve been putting on.

I pray now that every thing goes exactly to plan from this point onwards. You seem to be fully aware of what going down so I pray now that how you are feeling, wheather you feel calm, or in control, or comfortable, or content – you can maintain that feeling. Sorry, I’m not that crash hot at recognising feelings in other men considering I myself only have two feeling – frisky and hungry.

Cuz Adam

Comment on April 14th, 2008.

Sorry – off topic a bit, but I just realised what that first photo was reminding me of.

Ending of the 1968 classic – Planet of the Apes

“We finally really did it.

You maniacs!

You blew it up!”

http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-images/Film/Pix/pictures/2000/02/03/Planet.jpg

The Macs

Comment on April 15th, 2008.

The Macfarlanes continue to walk beside you daily. We will be praying for you especially as you go through this treatment. We send our love to you and all the family.

Lynda K

Comment on April 15th, 2008.

Still walking beside.

My thoughts are with you both.

Keep smiling for us all.

Rory Shiner

Comment on April 15th, 2008.

Hey Guys,
At dinner last night Miles (=our two year old son) prayed out loud for the first time, because he knows that uncle Cam is, in his words, ‘a little bit sick’. He just kind of yelled at God “make Cam better!”

We are yelling on the inside.

Guy in the White suit

Comment on April 15th, 2008.

Hey Cam and Liz

Our family had a time of prayer for you last night around the dinner table. It was almost a scene out of the Narnia movie because our two cats were watching us on nearby chairs. If they knew what was going on, they would have prayed as well.

This is it Cam and Liz. You’re as ready to walk this journey as you ever will be. God has gone before you, we are right behind you. Love and prayers.

Elise

Comment on April 15th, 2008.

Dear Cam & Elizabeth
It’s good to know you still have that great sense of humour intact. God will be proud of you both as you go to a place where none of us would ever want to be. Suck on that ice, Cam! Brain freeze may be the best way to see this through. What James didn’t tell you about last night is that he dressed up for the occassion in his Batman outfit. This should give added fragrance to the prayers offered up. The cats just stared.
XOXO

Philly

Comment on April 15th, 2008.

Of course I have nothing profound to add. I know if that if medicine allowed for you to divvy up your pain and discomfort amongst your friends at this point there would be a massive queue of willing participants lining the hospital corridors.
We praise God that he has provided you with Elizabeth to help bring you through – we continue to pray.

cons and deaj

Comment on April 15th, 2008.

Cam I hope today went ok, I have been thinking about you and praying for you during the day like everyone else has. Try and sleep as much as you can, eat small meals and things with ginger (if you can stand it) as it helps with the nausea. You and Elizabeth are such an inspiration, and we love you both lots. xx

stace :)

Comment on April 15th, 2008.

Cam… i’m sorry i didn’t get to see you… i figured the last thing you needed to get was this darn flu thats been going around which i’ve been fortunate enough to get twice! oh luck me! Just as everyone else is, i’m praying for you. ur doin good Cam… ur doin good.
God Bless Cam… missin ya!
Stace xoxox

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