The Gentle Weep

Posted on June 6th, 2008 by Cam.
Categories: Let's talk.

I have had a couple of gentle weeps in the last 24 hours. For me, the gentle weeps are the ones that run deep, but allow the unbridled wailings to have their place when I hit the peak of grief.

Although I am trying to shake my religiosity, I admit that I am clinging onto a ritual that I am reluctant to repent of, and that is watching ‘House’ on a Wednesday night at 8:30. If you are visiting then, you can talk during the ad breaks. If you call up, you will be leaving a message. If you need resuscitation, you will have to wait until the show is over. Briefly, it is a show about a rude, ruthless Doctor who breaks every rule to diagnose and treat tough medical cases whilst being as impersonal as possible. Fantastic.

Last night was the final episode – a two-hour special. To cut a two-hour story short, the episode ends with House’s best friend, Wilson, lying by his girlfriend on a hospital bed. Tubes and wires run to and from her as she is connected to life support after a combination of events leaves her moments from death. House cannot save her, and it is decided that they will wake her from her coma so that Wilson can say goodbye. The moments they shared together before the switches were flicked were just too much for my eyes to hold in. Elizabeth was also watching, and she’s a mess during Herbie Goes Bananas, so you can imagine the floodgate scenario there. When the show was over, we both just lay together on the couch, not saying a word, but knowing exactly what each other was thinking. We were both gently weeping.

Gentle weep number two overcame me this afternoon. A dear friend from the US emailed me today. We worked together in South Carolina in 1998, and so much has happened in 10 years. She shared that her eldest son Wade was diagnosed with Leukaemia in August last year, just a month after I was diagnosed. He has just had his 5th birthday. It opened up a whole other level for me, imagining what this brave young soul has been through during this last year, during this one-fifth of his life. He and his Mum (or Mom) have been keeping an online journal also, so I was able to catch myself up to speed on his journey, pausing only to stop tears short-circuiting my keyboard.

There is something that particularly squeezes your chest up through your throat when you see a young child smiling in photos taken during what I, as a 34 year-old, have found to be very difficult time. I can put on a smile, even when things are going poorly, but the smile I see on Wade’s face is the real deal. Reflecting back to the Blue Ridge Mountains 10 years ago, his precious Mum and I would have never thought we would be in these circumstances, on opposite sides of the earth, experiencing our fair share of gentle weeps.

You are an incredibly brave boy Wade, and I know you are being well looked after. You have significantly inspired someone who lives way on the opposite side of the world, so your bravery is now known world-wide! Now you may need to ask Mom what the words ‘significantly inspired’ mean. But trust me, it’s a good thing.

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