The Gentle Weep

Posted on June 6th, 2008 by Cam.
Categories: Let's talk.

I have had a couple of gentle weeps in the last 24 hours. For me, the gentle weeps are the ones that run deep, but allow the unbridled wailings to have their place when I hit the peak of grief.

Although I am trying to shake my religiosity, I admit that I am clinging onto a ritual that I am reluctant to repent of, and that is watching ‘House’ on a Wednesday night at 8:30. If you are visiting then, you can talk during the ad breaks. If you call up, you will be leaving a message. If you need resuscitation, you will have to wait until the show is over. Briefly, it is a show about a rude, ruthless Doctor who breaks every rule to diagnose and treat tough medical cases whilst being as impersonal as possible. Fantastic.

Last night was the final episode – a two-hour special. To cut a two-hour story short, the episode ends with House’s best friend, Wilson, lying by his girlfriend on a hospital bed. Tubes and wires run to and from her as she is connected to life support after a combination of events leaves her moments from death. House cannot save her, and it is decided that they will wake her from her coma so that Wilson can say goodbye. The moments they shared together before the switches were flicked were just too much for my eyes to hold in. Elizabeth was also watching, and she’s a mess during Herbie Goes Bananas, so you can imagine the floodgate scenario there. When the show was over, we both just lay together on the couch, not saying a word, but knowing exactly what each other was thinking. We were both gently weeping.

Gentle weep number two overcame me this afternoon. A dear friend from the US emailed me today. We worked together in South Carolina in 1998, and so much has happened in 10 years. She shared that her eldest son Wade was diagnosed with Leukaemia in August last year, just a month after I was diagnosed. He has just had his 5th birthday. It opened up a whole other level for me, imagining what this brave young soul has been through during this last year, during this one-fifth of his life. He and his Mum (or Mom) have been keeping an online journal also, so I was able to catch myself up to speed on his journey, pausing only to stop tears short-circuiting my keyboard.

There is something that particularly squeezes your chest up through your throat when you see a young child smiling in photos taken during what I, as a 34 year-old, have found to be very difficult time. I can put on a smile, even when things are going poorly, but the smile I see on Wade’s face is the real deal. Reflecting back to the Blue Ridge Mountains 10 years ago, his precious Mum and I would have never thought we would be in these circumstances, on opposite sides of the earth, experiencing our fair share of gentle weeps.

You are an incredibly brave boy Wade, and I know you are being well looked after. You have significantly inspired someone who lives way on the opposite side of the world, so your bravery is now known world-wide! Now you may need to ask Mom what the words ‘significantly inspired’ mean. But trust me, it’s a good thing.


Holly and Wade

Comment on June 6th, 2008.

Hi Cam! This is Holly and Wade. Thank you for your kind words. Wade would like to say that he hopes you are feeling well and that you don’t have to go back to the hospital any time soon. He would also like to know if you like race cars? He loves them! We hope that next weeks test results offer nothing but good news. Keep on smiling!

muffin man's revenge

Comment on June 6th, 2008.

Cam, who is Wade’s mother??? I am racking my brain, but would love to send some thoughts and prayers.

Stace W

Comment on June 6th, 2008.

cam… i am touched by your ‘gentle weeps’. i watched house too… i love house. i always get a good laugh and hang out for that hour a week where nothing else can stop me from dissapearing into Houses world( oh so dramatic!) . But never has house affected me like it did on Wednesday night. My grandad, has parkinsons disease. Somehow in the last year he’s gone from still talking and walking… too in hopital, and he can’t walk or talk anymore. What hit home to me, was when WIlson islaying next to Amber and says i just want a lil more time and Amber says,’ we’ll always want a little more time’. A year ago i wouldn’t of understood that and yet now it couldn’t of stuck in my heart more. Ive been asking God to just help him hold on, last a little longer… give us…me! a little more time. I heard that… and i prayed…Show me how to value the time i have. show me how to live for what i have right now, cos tomorrow might never come… for either of us. Its a little deep, a little dramatic… but completely true. Hearing about Wade just showed me even more that life is so precious. The life we have today, right here right now. THanks for sharing about Wade, got me thinking…

Hope your holdin up good Cam! Give Liz a hug for me!
Miss you both!
God Bless


Comment on June 7th, 2008.

Hi Cam and Liz
I am not the TV type, but I get the full scale of emotions if I do watch something that pings in me.
A couple of years ago, I watched an episode of ‘Without a Trace’ about a school boy who goes missing. This episode not only had me weeping, but I was face down on the floor with the most unexpected, overwhelming expression of emotion. I cannot remember sobbing so much, and not because of what happened at the end of the show, but because of identifying with the various characters. “Wannabe” transcended TV drama with actors and a script – I was an experience, one I have never had to personally live through, and feel wiser for it.


Comment on June 9th, 2008.

I was going to inappropriately pop the bubble by saying that I get very emotional watching Freo play footy at the moment… but that would not do!

Re this post – thanks for the insight, Cam. I guess that mostly we see your cheeky grin and brave ‘never-fear’ attitude.

This is a good reminder that it’s a serious business you’re in.

Oh and Holly – better let Wade know that although racing cars are a dangerous thrill, following a little known Australian Rules Football team known as the Fremantle Dockers is more dangerous, and a greater thrill!

Wade sounds as though he has some more heartfelt support he can lend – Freo can do with ALL they can get!

Stay safe & well, Cam & Wade.
Rest easy Liz & Holly
Hugs all round!

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