Back at school

Posted on July 31st, 2008 by Cam.
Categories: Let's talk.

Today was my first day back at school. Hints of a bitter taste entered my mouth as memories of ‘first days’ at school came flooding back. I still wonder why I actually ended up teaching when the mere smell of glue and crayons is enough to make me break out in an anxious sweat.

So I started doing some post grad studies in media at Edith Cowan University just up the road. I got a little nervous as I hadn’t been sent any information or letter of offer from the uni. Apparently it got lost in the mail. Mostly got things sorted though, and attended my first lecture today. I am still not sure about whether I can get into one of the units, but will find out tomorrow.

One thing I was very relieved about though was having a decision made regarding working at the uni. A research position was available and I went for an interview last week and I let them know that I was only able to work one day a week. Ever since I had the interview, I have been getting anxious about how I was going to manage study, the workshop, my education project, and my recovery – which I have been leaving out of the equation lately. After all, I am better now.

Thankfully, they called today and said they really needed someone for three days a week. I was quite relieved. If they had of offered me just one day, I think I would have reached the point of overload just thinking about it. It would have been another decision to make, now I don’t have to make it. The job would have involved stats, number crunching, data analysis, reports etc. Yes, I know, sounds perfect for me, but for this time I am happy to leave this opportunity for another gifted mathematician.

After uni, went over to Rach’s place to catch up as her and Michael and Angus have spent the week in Sydney. Angus went to the doctor today and it has become clear that he needs to have surgery quite soon to rectify a problem in one of his kidneys. It was a problem identified before his birth but seemed to be fine in post birth tests. So that will be a big day for little Angus. He doesn’t seem to be in any discomfort though for the time being, and it was semi expected in a way.

The lethargy that I have at the moment is becoming more difficult to handle it seems. By early afternoon I find that I am just yawning uncontrollably and can hardly remain upright. I was only at Rachel’s for a short while before I had to cart myself back home again for a sleep. I am still kind of wondering if I have taken on too much this semester. What the hey.

These last few weeks have highlighted for me the need to get back into decision-making mode again. For the last year, it has been a case of following a course of action influenced heavily by informed practice, treatment regimes, stints in hospital, physical ability and tolerance to pain. This kind of removes a lot of the variables that come into day-to-day decision making. Now it is time to get back into doing my accounting, handing in assignments, managing time, developing business plans etc. I liked it better the way it was. Actually, not really.



Comment on August 1st, 2008.

It’s not just your body that has to recover.
There is so much more on you mind this year and the brain can only whelm so much. It’s a word isn’t it?
Otherwise how could we get overwhelmed?

“I should be able to…” is a killer. Our own expectations of ‘return to normal’ when the doctor visits are finished can bring disappointment, because we compare now with BC (before cancer). But although life may be different to the original BC plan, life there is now and worth appreciating when we aren’t as over it as we thought.
‘Over it’ is not the same as ‘never happened’.

Be gentle with yourself.


Comment on August 1st, 2008.

Thanks Beth, I am finding there are a lot of things that one does not expect once given a cleanish bill of health. There is disappointment that needs to be dealt with, dealing with normal life decisions again, frustration of trying to get the body back into gear and this is all coupled with the obvious relief of being in remission. I have heard of strange places. This is certainly one of them.


Comment on August 2nd, 2008.

Hang in and this “strange place” will soon feel familiar – your brain will develop some nefty schemas and will be “whelming” you through the day like never before!
PS Thanks for popping into my blog – caused me to fall off the wagon – perhaps I won’t go out of control!

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