Oh well, while we wait…

Posted on September 7th, 2008 by Cam.
Categories: Let's talk.

So backtrack with me a little, to about 9:38am on a Friday morning, just over a week ago. Doctors must dread this kind of morning, when they have to convey bad news to someone. It was one of these mornings for Dr Brad.

I guess we make it a little easier for him, as he knows we read the scan reports ourselves before we see him. Between Elizabeth’s brain, our medical dictionary and my habit of breaking words down to their Latin or Greek roots (often completely made up on the spot), we tend to have an idea what the report is trying to say. For example:
There is a large multi lobulated ovoid mass located posterior to the manubrium and upper body of the sternum located anterior to the ascending aorta and pulmonary outflow tract extending to the superior aspect of the aortic arch and the origin of the great vessels” (and another 20 similar sentences following) could simply read “Something’s in his chest, best get it out”.

Dr Brad was moving swiftly arranging our next movements and drug authorisations. I couldn’t help but wondering if he felt let down by the seemingly poor results of my stem-cell transplant – like something under his control didn’t go according to plan.
I know there must be patients out there who do see the Doctor as being responsible when courses of treatment aren’t successful. They may feel like they need to blame someone, or find a valid reason for unfavourable results. I have heard such bitter stories.

I hope my Doctors never feel this way, because there is nothing further from my mind. I think this is an important aspect where faith pays up in the here and now.

My approach to my sickness and the healing hoped for is not just about science. For me, I can’t escape the affects of a broken body in a broken world, the power of prayer, and a merciful and all-powerful Creator. This is mixed in with the science of human anatomy, chemical/radioactive responses, diet, lifestyle and the involvement of the mind.

If I relied purely on science, or the known, I think I would be justified in demanding logical reasons as to where unexpected tumours came from and wondering whose fault it is that it is there, again. But my response the other day was nothing like that.

I ultimately believe that God is in control. I am not talking about the god of popular belief who seems to be included in conversation just to blame for suffering or thanked at the Grammys. I refer to the God who doesn’t just show up for humanity’s extremes, but who presides also in the day-to-day, in perfect control of a broken world. What goes on inside my body and outside my body shows the characteristics of this broken world, not a broken God.

As yet, I have had no reason even consider that things not going to plan are due to a situation being out of this control. While Doctors do their best to work with what is scientifically known to control my body, I believe there is more going on behind the scenes.

If there is one thing that all my specialists would agree on, it is that I have been one patient who has flipped every expected outcome on its back. At every step, and usually at every consult, we deal with something out of the ordinary of ‘the known’. People have given up trying to predict what my body will do next (I tell them I’ve struggled with this all my life). But I am learning that it is in this chaos I can feel a profound sense that I am being looked after, and looked after well.

7 comments.

Jan

Comment on September 7th, 2008.

I will add an “AMEN” to that :)

Rachel W

Comment on September 7th, 2008.

Really hoping and wishing the results of the tests come back soon and are welcome news. x

Nathan Parnell

Comment on September 7th, 2008.

I’m glad to see you’re in good spirits despite all that has happened. While I may not be the praying type, I’m always thinking about you and hoping that as every day progresses you get better. Keep your chin up, things will get better soon.

Cam

Comment on September 7th, 2008.

Nathan, isn’t it time for your daily bashup? Thanks for being in touch, hope to see you soon.

Toddy

Comment on September 7th, 2008.

Nah, throw us in the washing machine. Speaking of which, a neighbour and (becoming a) good friend announced that she has a brain tumour yesterday. Kind of like ‘I had a fish sandwich for lunch’.

I’m sick of people I know getting weird stuff growing in places where it shouldn’t grow. But I’m sincerly glad for the chance to walk beside…

I’m going to practice inappropriate humour on her to cover for my insecurity…

Looking for good results for you Cam, & say ‘hi’ to Dr Brad for us (Are you sure he doesn’t wear cord-pants and sneakers? He sounds like he should)

Terry

Comment on September 7th, 2008.

Hi Cam, thanks for the awesome encouragement and statement about our God who cares!
Our brokedness in a broken world with a whole and complete God in control.
May He continue to use you both and bless you,

Steve Mac

Comment on September 7th, 2008.

“What goes on inside my body and outside my body shows the characteristics of this broken world, not a broken God.”

That is profound, deep, and moving.

God bless mate

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