The Walk Beside

Indifferent, almost.

Posted on September 24th, 2008 by Cam.
Categories: Let's talk.

I think the approach, or the resignation, is being quite effective. I haven’t really thought about getting results back, haven’t been anxious about the findings, and I feel kind of indifferent to the outcome. I expect that would change if there is anything to worry about medically. I may have mentioned this before, but my feeling after the last biopsy was, “I couldn’t really care about what you find. just get that thing out of me!” I am overreacting maybe. I don’t want to make out that a procedure like that is close to child-bearing, but if you had to bear a child 7 times in just over a year, the novelty would wear a little thin. I imagine that if this were to happen, on the seventh time you would be forgiven for thinking “I couldn’t really care about what you find, just get that thing out of me!”

I have been postponed again insofar as radiation treatment. I am meant to start next Tuesday, but I doubt that will happen.
For now, we prepare to go camping with some friends over the long weekend. I am really looking forward to that. It is the perfect time of year and a chance for a little bit of relaxing.

I feel like I have done my fair share of relaxing. It seems I have spent a major part of the last 18 months in bed, hospital or on the couch, relaxing. Time to get moving.

Above all, I am so thankful for the support and prayers during this time. This has been a real ride, something I wouldn’t want anyone to go through, but people have chosen to and I am grateful, yet sorry for putting people through this (yes I know, your choice, but the feeling remains). I am honored, nonetheless. No one likes this kind of waiting. It is not exciting, not conclusive, not soothing, not peaceful. Just a reminder that things can certainly be very uncertain at times.

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