Indifferent, almost.

Posted on September 24th, 2008 by Cam.
Categories: Let's talk.

I think the approach, or the resignation, is being quite effective. I haven’t really thought about getting results back, haven’t been anxious about the findings, and I feel kind of indifferent to the outcome. I expect that would change if there is anything to worry about medically. I may have mentioned this before, but my feeling after the last biopsy was, “I couldn’t really care about what you find. just get that thing out of me!” I am overreacting maybe. I don’t want to make out that a procedure like that is close to child-bearing, but if you had to bear a child 7 times in just over a year, the novelty would wear a little thin. I imagine that if this were to happen, on the seventh time you would be forgiven for thinking “I couldn’t really care about what you find, just get that thing out of me!”

I have been postponed again insofar as radiation treatment. I am meant to start next Tuesday, but I doubt that will happen.
For now, we prepare to go camping with some friends over the long weekend. I am really looking forward to that. It is the perfect time of year and a chance for a little bit of relaxing.

I feel like I have done my fair share of relaxing. It seems I have spent a major part of the last 18 months in bed, hospital or on the couch, relaxing. Time to get moving.

Above all, I am so thankful for the support and prayers during this time. This has been a real ride, something I wouldn’t want anyone to go through, but people have chosen to and I am grateful, yet sorry for putting people through this (yes I know, your choice, but the feeling remains). I am honored, nonetheless. No one likes this kind of waiting. It is not exciting, not conclusive, not soothing, not peaceful. Just a reminder that things can certainly be very uncertain at times.

5 comments.

Jan

Comment on September 24th, 2008.

I, for one, will NEVER leave your side. You are my Bro-in-arms and one day either I will come to you or you to me and meet face to face. As always, in my prayers
Jan

Cam

Comment on September 24th, 2008.

Likewise Jan. I know I am surrounded by amazing people. Looking forward to seeing you one day too! Aiming for sometime next year to be over your neck of the woods. Put the kettle on.

cons

Comment on September 24th, 2008.

Cam i would sooner give birth 7 times in one year than go through all you have had to go through. You are a real hero. xx

Simon

Comment on September 24th, 2008.

Enjoy your weekend camping Cam. I hope the time with friends in the great outdoors invigorates your soul. My prayers are with you.

sojourner

Comment on September 25th, 2008.

May the Lord speak loudly as you enjoy the solitude of nature. May His message be one of courage, strength, faith, and healing.

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