Time out

Posted on January 30th, 2010 by Cam.
Categories: Let's talk.

I arrived yesterday to my tropical retreat, at a friend’s place in Darwin.  Farm, comfortable place, and incredible rain and thunderstorms.  The smell, sound and sensation of the tropical rain and lush bush is like the best medicine.  I love it, really love it.  I wish I could carve some up and take it home.

There has been a lot to think about over the last few weeks, but mainly my thinking has been around my responsibility and responses to God’s promises regarding healing.  In the past, I have taken more of a passive response – ‘if it is God’s will I am healed, then it will happen – I believe He can do it, but whether He will or not, I don’t know.”

Now that is changing.  I haven’t been healed yet, and I wonder why.  I feel now I my response should involve an active commitment to God’s Word and promises.  I need to believe in the power of the word to transform and to heal.  I am needing both.  God’s promise to heal us from our diseases is given the same weight as his promise to forgive sin.  This is a pretty heavy relationship.  If I believe in him for the forgiveness side of things, and live in that certainty, I need to live in the certainty that healing is available to us.  I don’t fully understand it, knowing many people who are not healed, but it can’t stop me from acting on what I have seen God do, and what is promised.

At this time, I believe I will get my 70 or so years, or die a hopeful fool.  Better a hopeful fool than to have foolish hope, I suppose.  I know I don’t have the latter, as I would have given up long ago – this journey has not been worth it to this point as is.  I am not ruling out the possibility that I will end up disillusioned, confused or struggling with circumstance in the future, but I believe the option of God’s healing is real, and that hope is worth throwing myself into.  It sure beats watching cricket.

In all honesty though, this is one of the biggest challenge I have faced at this time.  For one to fight for life while they have lots to live for is one thing.  For me, I have been fighting feelings of wanting to leave this earth while medics try their best to keep me here.  My fight here is both to believe things will get better, and that the fight to stay alive will be worth it in the future.   My will to live at this stage is coming more from the promises that God can heal, rather than what I feel I have in my future that is worth continuing the fight for.  There must be a better way of writing that sentence, surely.