Posted on March 10th, 2010 by Cam.
Categories: Let's talk.

I write this entry as a foreword for the one written a few days ago (below) that I didn’t put up at the time. It seemed like a list of complaints, pessimism, pity etc. but I realise that is just how things are at the moment, so it has gone up. But I have been challenged again in recent days to do my best to alter my thinking in the way I handle each situation faced and how I talk about them or process them.

The easiest option each time seems to be in letting the difficulties beat me. After all, it takes every ounce of energy, thinking power and will to fight against the negative thinking take me to death’s door. I do believe that the mind has phenomenal power over the physiology of the body, and it is a constant fight at this time to keep my body stabilised in health considering all that is going on. I know I need to do more than just stabilise my health in my thoughts though – I need to get better to give my body the best chance possible to live. I don’t stand a chance otherwise.

I still manage each day with painkillers and anti-depressants but I know this will only be for a time. Such prolonged amounts of time in tough circumstances can take its toll and narcotic intervention can have benefits. But I need to fight harder in my thought patterns if I am to get well, deal with grief, avoid mental torment and become productive in my days again.

Keeping a positive attitude is difficult when friends are dying, health is in constant jeopardy, my body is in constant physical pain, my personal life has been difficult and it seems like there is not enough time left to regain anything of worth. This is where I am hoping I can change things through how I perceive, process and present my situation (three p’s a coincidence by the way).

There is a massive spiritual element to this too for me, in that I don’t have the strength to do this on my own I know. The balance of putting the effort in myself, and allowing God to work in me is a tough one to understand.