The decision

Posted on May 19th, 2011 by Cam.
Categories: Let's talk.

The decision is that I am healed.

All earthly things are pointing the other direction.  My test results recently have shown the cancer is highly active again.  Kappa light chains were about 150 during my last cycle of chemo (they are considered safe when they are less than 20.  I had my stem-cell transplant when they spiked to 114).  The dull pain in my thigh and ribs has been fairly persistent throughout the trial.  I haven’s seen any scan results recently, but the sensation is enough to know things are not right.

I had a PET scan last Friday.  Some people enjoy waterslides.  I enjoy PET scans.  And MRIs. And CTs – except for the radiation component.  MRIs are my fave because of the sensation caused by the magnetic pulsing.  Anyway.  I am not even remotely interested in the PET scan results.  I know enough from my own body to know what they are going to show.

For whatever reason, this trial with Velcade is not working for me anymore.  This sounds disheartening, but for me, I can’t help but be excited.  It is going to be a very interesting 6 months.

There are some big decisions to be made, but Ash and I have been praying that God would make it clear to us what direction to take, what decisions to make – especially in regards to when to stop treatment.  I feel this decision is closer than what we thought it was going to be.  As options become limited, decisions become easier to make.  The decision, is becoming easier every day.

I will be having a talk with the trial Doctor next week regarding when to stop the trial.

Ash and I are having to completely rely on God for any change to this situation.  This brings waves of excitement as we believe God’s word is good on this matter – healing has been paid for along with forgiveness for sin.  God speaks about about it in the same breath.  We have no other hope.

I mentioned the waves of excitement.  This is another way of saying there are times I still get overwhelmed by sadness with my current condition.  I have had many great days where pain hasn’t been a huge factor.  And then there are days where I bury my head in the couch begging God to take the pain away, to heal – the healing where pain, sickness, disease is literally taken away.  That is what I long for.

So that brings me back to the decision.  The decision is that I am healed, based on what Christ did in taking on our sickness and disease.  It is our decision to trust entirely in that reality, and along with that make decisions which demonstrate that belief.  One of those decisions is to stop treatment.  If we believe what Christ did was good enough, then it is good enough to act on.

There is so much that is going on in our lives at the moment that I will write about later.

3 comments.

sojourner

Comment on May 20th, 2011.

invite Him into the decision making process – take a deep breath – leap into His faithfulness – that is all we are called to do – an exciting ride indeed!

Julie Sparrow

Comment on May 21st, 2011.

We prayed for you in our small group in Kabul this morning. Walking beside from afar.

Pam R

Comment on May 23rd, 2011.

Still with you in this; praying and trusting same as you. Keep affirming it, friend.

Love PJR – office lady.

Leave a comment

Comments can contain some xhtml. Names and emails are required (emails aren't displayed), url's are optional.