A Life-long Blessing

Posted on August 14th, 2011 by Cam.
Categories: Let's talk.

Cam is sleeping now. My heart feels like it’s shattering piece by piece with every passing day that Cam does not get better.  I keep thinking, how did we get here?  This can’t be happening.  He can’t be dying.  This was not in our plan.  Our plan is for healing to take place for the glory of God, to spend 50 years together, have kids and watch our grandkids grow up.   Isn’t this God’s plan too? Those dreams seem so far away yet still so fresh in my mind.  It’s a strange place to be.

This morning the infectious diseases doctor confirmed that last week’s tests show there is no infection in Cam’s body.  Although we recognise this is great news, unfortunately Cam’s condition is worsening.

Two days ago he started to get twitching and weakness in his hands and arms, which is also worsening.  Cam has been struggling with the frustration of this more than the pain because he can’t hold or type anything.  The simplest tasks are causing great frustration and distress.  His clarity of mind has been rapidly declining over the last few days and communicating with him is becoming increasingly difficult.  He is also experiencing illusions.  They’re not frightening or disconcerting illusions, but it was enough for the palliative care doctor, Dr Davray, to call in a neurologist.  The neurologist put it all down to drugs and toxins from the cancer running through is body and scrambling his brain.  He said the brain is seeing things that are there but it is misinterpreting it causing the illusions.

The recent blood test results also show that his liver is not doing so well.  Dr Davray said it was a bit off when he first came in a week ago but it has since declined.  She said they will to do blood tests to monitor it.

I have a bed set up in the hospital room with Cam and I’ve been sleeping here overnight for a week.  The bed is not the most comfortable but my comfort is in knowing that I can be by Cam’s side at all times.  Any movement is painful, difficult and exhausting for him now.  Sleep is the only rest he gets from the twitching and confusion. I’ve been playing an audio bible to him, hoping it will bring some comfort.

We were able to get leave out of hospital last night to go to Riverview church, with the aid of a wheelchair.  We were hoping to get out this afternoon to go to The Mission Church but I don’t think that will be a possibility today.

I believe God is our Healer.  I still believe Cam can be healed.  I still believe God is faithful.  Whether Cam is healed or if he dies, we both take comfort in knowing the promises of God, knowing our eternal inheritance through Christ and knowing that either way, Cam will have a new body.  Cam believes God is with him and he believes He loves him and knows what’s best for him.  Although I don’t understand why Cam is suffering this way, I’m thankful to God for so many things.  Thankful for the care that Cam is getting, thankful that I’m here with Cam and that he is not alone, thankful for Cam’s incredible love for me, thankful that we were able to get married, have a beautiful wedding and celebrate with so many wonderful people and above all I’m thankful that God gave me a life-long blessing in Cam.

…………………………………

I wrote the above this morning and since then, Cam’s condition has continued to decline significantly.  We didn’t see Dr Davray today as it was her day off, but by 5pm, Cam’s responsiveness and disorientation was getting worse, I asked the nurse to call Dr Davray to let her know.  The doctor asked to speak to me on the phone and I knew what she was going to say.  His liver is failing.  There are toxins running wild in his body causing the disorientation.  Dr Davray then told me what I knew I didn’t want to hear, that Cam has only days left.  After I told Cam what the doctor told me, I said to him my money is still on God’s healing.

Cam and I and his family thank everyone for their love and support.  We know you will appreciate that this time is incredibly difficult and we thank you for understanding that this time with Cam will be spent with family.

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