Numb, but want to be more numb.

Posted on August 21st, 2010 by Cam.
Categories: Let's talk.

I guess I am still in a little shock, and numbness of mind.  I haven’t prepared for this next phase, and I don’t like what is happening already.

My body is so very sore, all the time.  My hip freezes up with pain often, I felt dizzy all day yesterday and today, and my whole body is in constant discomfort. I want to see if I can get rid of this naturally before my next blood test in 3 weeks.

I am very tired, both emotionally, and for having some sensational late nights.  I just want to be able to move properly again, not be in pain for the rest of my life.

Oh.. I don’t know…


The good, the bad, and the aesthetically challenged.

Posted on August 21st, 2010 by Cam.
Categories: Let's talk.

Today was a swinging pendulum day.

It started well.  I had crumpets with peanut butter and honey.  Then pretty shortly after that it went down hill rapidly.

My appointment with Dr Brad was around 9.  To be honest, I was going to be floored if the results were clear.  I know my body better than I ever have, and I know when something is wrong.  I have been waiting for the pain in my ribs to go away for a month now, but they haven’t.  And I know what pathological pain feels like.

It was great to see Dr Brad again, I miss him for all the wrong reasons, in that I only really get to see him if I am unwell, or at least under observation.  When I miss him, it is because things are good and I don’t need to be at the clinic.  After the brief catch up, we went through my results, and as I assumed, it’s back.

My indicators are not high (kappa light chains 44), but a damn sight worse than the 6.6 I had previously.  So it indicates that there is active cancer in my bod again.  It is not too bad, in that there is no traces in my whizz.  Chances are it is just in my rib cage.

Dr Brad requested a CT, and I was able to get in within an hour or two.  Walked in, cannulated, injected with contrast and scanned.  Within a couple of hours I had the report.  Definitely a sus mass in my ribs, evidence of previous myeloma scarring, and now some nodules in my lung.  My spine is a mess,which explains why I wake up in excruciating pain every day.  No lesions there, just a whack-load of damaged vertebra. Spinal cord ok.

So from here, I will need to have a biopsy under CT guidance.  I hate these.  There are few things I enjoy less than being fully awake while they insert a rather large cork-screw or needle into your bone to take a core sample.  It punctures the skin, then they push it through the bone wall, and when it is already painful to touch, I find it very difficult to think of running through the lush mountaintops during spring.

I am lined up for another course of radiation, and then may be on a chemo trial that will be for  a year.  Great that it will keep me going for a year hopefully, but living part time in a hospital and felling like crap all the time is no fun, contrary to popular belief.

I held it together till I started to walk out of the clinic.  Then the sunglasses came down, and the invoice went over my face as I walked back to the car through the hospital, weeping like a 36 year old guy who had just been told his plans for the next year have just been screwed over, again.

The aesthetically challenging part was the report on my spine.  It is a bit of a mess.  Damaged bone, twisted, and not as strong as it should be.  My Thai massage options have closed completely.

The good, well, that will  come out in due course, I hope.

Thanks all for your loving support.

Here we go again.


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